Only a mothe r could love this liver
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
