There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
