I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
