She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
