I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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