So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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