Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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