I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
