i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
