it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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