did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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