My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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