I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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