I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
