Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
