The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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