Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
