Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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