My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
