you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
then he tried to convert me to islam
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
