I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
i've created a new STD.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Randomize
