apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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