Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
