so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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