i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
