Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
