When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
