Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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