I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
