Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
