I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
