i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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