just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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