I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
