I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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