Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
