So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
