At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i love accidental penises.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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