He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
