I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
