Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
