I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
