totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
