I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize