just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
