I'm so fucking centered right now
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
