in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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