U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Randomize