I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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