Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
