if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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