You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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