I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
nutella sex= disaster
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
