Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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