finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
