Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
