I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Randomize
