hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
