Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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