mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you win again, gameday.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
