you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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