saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
