And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
