i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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