You're a womanizer and a bitch.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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