My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
