I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
