I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
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