I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Randomize
