Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize