Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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