All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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