you guys were way drunker than both of me
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
