I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize